Chat with the Counselors – August 2010 Tutor Doctor Newsletter

When the Dream Isn’t the Reality…….

From the time couples find out they will soon be parents, the dreams and hopes for their children start to form.  I can personally remember when I found out that I was having a girl; I started to get excited and envisioned bows, dresses and of course lots of pink.  That dream became a reality for about a year as I dressed Brianna in dresses with matching hats and bows.  I looked forward to her continuing that look and eventually having some of the same interests as me like dancing.  For most of you that are parents know where this story is headed.  Brianna is not like me, she has her own mind, personality, and interests, none of which involve getting dressed up, being a ballet dancer, or being prissy.  Brianna loves to climb trees, read books, and couldn’t care less about clothes or shopping.  It was really hard for me but eventually I had to give up the dream and realize that Brianna enjoys the life of being rough and tumble versus sugar and spice.  It was only then that I could really enjoy her for who she is and the wonderful eight year-old that she has become.  Whether parents are struggling with their children having personality differences, learning disabilities, food allergies, emotional disorders, or major behavior problems, most go through the normal and predictable stages of grief.  Just like I needed to grieve that my “little girl,” didn’t fit my original vision of what I thought she would be like, all parents at some time in their relationship with their children will grieve the loss of their dream of a healthy, happy, or “perfect” child.

Parental grief and loss contains the following stages: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.  As I begin to describe the various stages, I invite you to think about what stage you are in or what stages you went through to let go of the dream of the “perfect” child.

1.Denial:

Parents might find themselves saying:
•We don’t have these problems at home.
•Not my child.  What were the others doing?
•It must be something I’m/you’re doing wrong.
•They are just going through a phase.

2.Anger:

Parents might say things like:
•If you just knew how to teach, he/she wouldn’t be having these problems.
•If you spent more time at home, he/she wouldn’t be having these problems.
•Come on, just try it, I know once you start playing the sport/instrument you will like it.
•Why can’t you be more like your sister/brother, friend, or niece/nephew?

3.Bargaining:

•Parents begin to recognize the problem yet search for some type of “quick fix.”
•Parents start to become hyper-vigilant about finding something that is going to make this problem just disappear.
•Parents might say: “If we can just find the right treatment the problem will go away.”

4.Depression:

•Understandably, parents begin to feel very sad and hopeless when the treatments don’t work or don’t produce immediate results.
•Parents might say: “We’ve tried everything and nothing works!”

5.Acceptance:

•Parents begin to see the problem as something that requires a “lifestyle approach” to treatment.
•This approach involves making long-term changes to accepting our children’s limitations rather   than trying to make the problems go away or make the solution to the problem more of what we   envisioned or hoped it to be.

If you would like more information on parental grief or parenting, contact:

Sara Hoffstot (618-741-8543/sarahoffstot@yahoo.com) & Suzanne Rodgers (314-369-4498/suzannecounselor@yahoo.com) with Living Well By Design

They can help you either through their The Perfect Fit-Finding Your Ideal Parenting Style presentations or through individual, couple, and or family counseling.  Check out their parenting blog at www.perfectfitparenting.blogspot.com.

*Sara and Suzanne will be hosting and presenting at their office The Perfect Fit-Finding Your Ideal Parenting Style: “Relating To Your Unique Child” on September 20th from 6-9 pm.  The focus will be on learning disabilities (identify your child’s learning style for increased learning.  Differentiating between learning styles and disabilities.), food allergies (Allowing social situations to become more manageable by controlling your anxiety and learning new cost effective healthy alternatives and ingredients for cooking.), and autism (Mindful parenting strategies for working through the trials and tribulations of parenting an autistic child.)  The following guest speakers will also be presenting on the above topics: Michelle Thacker (Chef and owner of Pat-A-Cake Pat-A-Cake), Rabia Rahman, RD, LD and Jenn Randazzo, RD, LD (founder and owners of Nourish), Dan Morris (Tutor Doctor), and Suzanne Nothaus (author and creator of The Toddler Logger)

Chat with the Counselors Article July 2010

Helping Your Child Develop Independence

From birth on, we struggle to achieve, maintain, and protect our independence.  As parents, we are often in a quandary about how to effectively support and encourage our children’s growing independence.

All children need choices and responsibility at age-appropriate levels to help develop independence.  Through experience and practice, children gain confidence to try new tasks and build self-esteem.  Toddlers are ready to make simple choices such as selecting what clothing item to wear or what breakfast food to eat.  Let them try (and fail) at new tasks.  Increase the level of responsibility and choices as the child matures.  School-age children can pack their own lunch, put up their clothing, help with assigned chores, and select an activity for family night.  Responsibilities for “tweens” may include learning to use an alarm clock, independently completing homework, using a planner to track homework and extracurricular events, and keeping their room organized.  Teens are ready for responsibilities that will help them transition to living on their own (dorm life) such as doing laundry, helping with family meal preparation, running errands, and maintaining a part-time job.

Fostering independence now will help your child transition to adulthood with confidence and success!

Living Well By Design Has Partnered with Tutor Doctor St. Louis to Provide Support for Parents

Living Well By Design:

Are you designing your life or allowing others to do it for you?  Sara Hoffstot and Suzanne Rodgers can help you design your life in the way that you’ve always envisioned it to be!  Living Well By Design is committed to finding their clientele the dash of life that they are looking for.  Sara and Suzanne are transforming lives by allowing their clientele to design their own way of life in a way that will bring them peace, happiness, and success.  Incorporating the seven areas of well-being: physical, emotional, social, intellectual, environmental, occupational, and spiritual into our counseling sessions and couture presentations ensures their clientele and audience members will have the perfect accessories to begin designing their ideal life.  Living Well By Design is accomplished by giving their clientele choices that will assure their plan of action will become a reality through: custom counseling (individual, couples, family), luxury counseling (webcam, phone, professional consultations), and refinement counseling (presentations, seminars, groups.)

Chat with the Counselors:

Living Well By Design has teamed up with their Community Partners in Missouri and Illinois to support people and offer complimentary chats in person and articles submission to various newsletter and/or newspapers.  This is your opportunity to use Chat with the Counselors as an accessory in designing your life the way it was meant to be.  Living Well By Design has teamed up with their Community Partner, Tutor Doctor, to support people who may have questions about counseling or would like to refine, polish, and educate themselves and others.  The topics that will be written will come from their Couture Collection of Presentations that focuses on the seven areas of well-being: physical, emotional, social, intellectual, environmental, occupational, and spiritual. Sara & Suzanne are very passionate about getting the word out about the seven areas of well being and the concept of being in control of your own life.  Living Well By Design hopes that you join them here monthly to read about different ways to design with your life in mind.

District in Western MO OKs 4-Day School Week

An Education Blogger Writes About the Pros and Cons of a Shortened School Week:

“The three-day weekend isn’t just for the occasional holiday anymore. For one hundred school districts in at least sixteen states, the school week is now only four days long because the rising cost of fuel has made busing kids too expensive. Proponents of the shorter school week (which typically has longer daily hours to make up for the lost day) say it not only saves on fuel and energy costs but also often leads to lower rates of absenteeism and, in some cases, better student performance. Schools can also put the money they save toward programs and staff that might otherwise be cut. Opponents of the four-day week argue that it places a burden on working parents, who now need to find child care on the fifth day. They also say it cuts down on time for extracurricular activities. And those who’d like to see children spend more time in school worry that this practice moves education further away from that ideal.” – Sara Ring, www.edutopia.org

Tutor Doctor had a booth at the Baby Kid Expo on April 10, 2010. We met so many new faces and had some really great conversations. The Baby Kid Expo exposed Tutor Doctor to many new people who didn’t know about our wonderful services in the St. Charles and St. Louis Counties and their surrounding areas. If you are looking for a tutor, give Tutor Doctor a call (636) 357-4500 or visit us on our website www.tutordoctorstl.com or visit us on facebook at http://www.facebook.com/#!/TutorDoctorSTL

Tutor Doctor St. Louis Attending Baby Kid Expo

Saturday, April 10, 2010 is the fourth annual Baby Kid Expo at the St. Charles Convention Center from 9 am to 4 pm and is free to all attendees. This year will be even more fun than last with games, performances, speakers, and seminars as well as hundreds of exhibitors.

Tutor Doctor St. Louis is very excited to be attending this year, it will hopefully help us introduce ourselves to people that have never heard of our company. Getting the word out about what we do is very important to us and we are dedicated to providing the best one-on-one, home-tutoring service in the St. Louis and St. Charles County areas.

If you are going to the Baby Kid Expo, but sure to look for us. We will have face painters there from 11 am to 3 pm, so come by and check us out. It should be tons of fun and we hope to get to know some new faces while we are there.

College Information Night

“College Information Night for junior students and parents will be on Wednesday, March 10^th at 7pm in the auditorium.  Come learn everything you need to know about the college application process.”

If your child plans on attending college and is a junior in the Francis Howell School District, I would recommend you think about attending this college information night.

Planning for College

So many things have changed about the college application and admission process that many parents don’t know how to best advise their children. Visiting your local high school’s guidance office and meeting with a guidance counselor and your child is a great place to start. Also, many high schools bring in Admissions Counselors from local colleges and universities. If you still want more information, visiting local colleges and universities is another way to find out more about the admissions process as well as see what the college really has to offer for new students. You can plan trips and make some calls to meet with advisers and professors as well. Sometimes it can become a fun family weekend getaway and will show your child that you are just as serious about them getting into the right school as they are about their dream future.

MAP Testing Coming Up

For those of you that are teachers or know teachers, you know that the MAP is a very important indicator that the government uses to measure student learning and success. Each state has their own goals and indicators of how well their schools are doing and Missouri has some pretty high standards. This, of course, causes some stress in the education community. If your children are in school, you have undoubtedly already received notice that MAP testing will begin soon and what to expect in the days of preparation.

How Can I Help My Child Do Well On Tests?

Here are a few suggestions for parents who want to help their children do well on tests.

• First and most important, talk to your child’s teacher often to monitor your child’s progress and find out what activities you can do at home to help your child.
• Make sure your child does his or her homework.
• Make sure your child is well-rested and eats a well-rounded diet.
• Have a variety of books and magazines at home to encourage your child’s curiosity.
• Don’t be overly anxious about test scores, but encourage your child to take tests seriously.
• Don’t judge your child on the basis of a simple test score.

As a parent, you cannot control everything when it comes to your children, but what you can really might affect your child’s success on these types of tests. According to a study by the U.S. Department of Education, nearly 90 percent of the difference in eighth-grade mathematics standardized-test scores can be attributed to parental control over three factors: school attendance, varied reading materials at home, and regulated television watching. So keep being a parent and do what you can to help your child succeed in school.

If your child struggles when it comes to test-taking, call Tutor Doctor for a free, in-home consultation. Our tutors can help your students improve their test scores! Call Tutor Doctor 636-357-4500 or visit our website at www.tutordoctorstl.com.

More FAFSA Workshops to Help Parents

If you have a child that may attend college this coming fall, and you are thinking about student loans, St. Louis University has a free workshop that will help.

FAFSA Workshops

Do you need money for college?  Are you wondering what scholarship and financial aid programs are available to you?  To provide access to these questions, St. Louis University is hosting free, on-campus Financial Aid 101 and FAFSA Completion Workshops in January and February.  All workshops will be on Sundays starting at 2:00 p.m. in the Busch Student Center on SLU’s Campus.  The dates are 1/10, 1/24, 1/31, 2/14, 2/21, & 2/28.  For more information, contact the Office of Student Financial Services at 314.977.2350. 2/28

Contact Tutor Doctor if your child needs help with AP classes or ACT/SAT test prep 636-357-4500

Worried About Your Child in This Technological Age?

Many parents may be concerned that their children are growing up in an age that bombards them with information from all sides. Kids today have access to so much more than parents ever imagined in their youth. With emailing, texting, blogging, twittering; some parents might wonder if their child ever really speaks to a human being face-to-face. Another concern for today’s parents is whether or not all this technology is somehow stunting their child’s ability to actually verbalize their thoughts and concerns. Other parents may simply be worried about their child’s safety in cyberspace.

All of these are very real concerns and some local schools are helping parents understand how they can raise children that are safe and smart in this new technologically obsessed world. Francis Howell Middle School is holding a meeting regarding these concerns:

Join us on Tuesday, March 9^th from 7:00 – 8:00 in our lecture room for an Introduction to Raising Media Savvy Kids in a Media Saturated World – This course will define Media Literacy and allow participants to consider simple Critical Thinking Strategies to add to existing parenting methods.  Participants also gain awareness of the myriad ways technology has impacted childhood.  Finally, participants will have the opportunity to consider tactics for setting limits with media and ways the Media can even help with Parenting.   If you are interested, please call or e-mail Jean Gunnels to RSVP!  jean.gunnels@fhsdschools.org or 636 851-4892.

Call Tutor Doctor for your child’s tutoring needs 636-357-4500.